The Emotional Minefield of Sales

Sitting here disappointed in someone that I wanted to do business with. In a funk. A bad one. And pondering where disappointment comes from and why I feel so “icky” with our last exchange. Byron Katie (“The Work”) would say that we feel disappointment in someone’s behaviour when we expect it to be different than it is. If we can just release the expectation that it should be different, and learn to accept it exactly as it is, then we can release these negative feelings. I suspect that releasing these feelings will also alleviate the icky feeling I’m having, that I suspect results from me trying to impose my will on others. Ouch. I never wanted to be THAT person. But wait, this is not the first time I’ve tried to control another – I have been called a control freak a time or two, and readily admit it. So what is different about this time? MONEY.

Somehow when money is involved, things get icky. I am fine with money – in fact I rather enjoy having it. But it seems that I, and others, get tongue-tied when we start speaking about money. The conversation becomes uncomfortable, awkward, downright painful. What is that about?

It is becoming clear to me that people with no money problems have no problem talking about money. It is only when one is short of money that discussing parting with money becomes a dance – we dance around the issue of not having enough money by bringing other partners to the dance. These partners are called “reasons” or “excuses” or “buts.” This week’s favourite excuses include a woman who wanted me to guarantee her a certain number of clients, another who turned down guaranteed business because she didn’t have time to review a one page document, a man who sold his integrity for $600 and a so-called expert who didn’t have any money. Hmmm, interesting watching my inner judge creep up.

My response to these icky conversations is interesting to me –disappointment is first up, as noted above. Anger often follows – not sure where that is coming from, but I suspect Don Miguel Ruiz (“The Four Agreements”) would say that I’m taking the rejection personally. Consequently I want to write them off. If they can’t afford my services or are dancing around the topic, then I want to stop dealing with them. That is followed by resignation and fear – I fear that I will never be a good sales person because I hate this whole process, and without a polished sales process I cannot be successful. And so the entire sales process becomes a minefield of emotions, mine and theirs.

WHAT IF I was able to have the sales conversation without all of these emotions? If I could somehow put my emotions on hold, perhaps my sales close ratio would improve. At the very least, I would be happier and so would my prospective clients. Once I release the need to control their buying decisions – including IF and WHEN, perhaps they might actually come around in the future.

In the meantime, I’m going for a walk in the sun in the hopes that the rest of my sales calls today will be filled with that sunshine, rather than being mired in the negativity of my earlier calls. Think I’ll re-read “The Four Agreements” tonight as well.

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